Facing facts.

Happy New Year. Ever get the feeling that one of these days you’ll switch on the telly and somebody will say...“We interrupt our normal programming to bring you Armageddon…”

“Oh gawd, not bloody Armageddon, they said it was ‘Eastenders’...”

I know, I know, it's no laughing matter but there's been a lot of talk about atom bombs and such lately so I expect some of you are wondering what the Big One will really mean to you and your family. What will it be like to watch your loved ones getting incinerated or dying a slow death from radiation poisoning? And what does happen after one dies a slow horrible death? Will it be Oblivion? Or The Rapture?

Is there anything we can do about it then Dick you ask? Will we get any warning? Will millions of the World Community die or just the brown ones? Who's finger is actually on the nukular button these days anyway? Who will win ‘Dancing With The Stars’? Where’s that pizza I ordered? These and other vexing questions will race through your mind in the final moments. Yes, it's all a bit of a worry I know but don't despair. There may be social chaos, severe ecological damage, and perhaps even minor changes in the earth's orbit but that doesn’t mean it’s the end of the world. Of course if you get caught in the actual blast you’re shit out of luck but a lot of unpleasantness can be avoided if you take the right precautions. Those with access to government facilities might even enjoy it.

As steerforth correctly observes: "There is nothing remarkable about this building on the outside. It looks like a poorly-designed 1950s bungalow, but once you enter the front door it becomes a different story..."

Lots of bulk between you and any nasty radioactivity is the key. You can’t get enough bulk. Well-equipped religious troglodytes should do fine but the rest of you (John Cleese voice) will just have to form an orderly queue at your local Tube Station or find an abandoned coal-mine or something. If all else fails you can huddle behind the closest available well-protected bulky person. Or just get digging.