Tropical rot.

Attentive readers of this blog or whatever it is will recall Sir Julian Snagge. He was the magistrate who got me kicked off Arsenal for getting caught with a bit of speed back in the sixties. It was only a few thousand Dexies and Blue Bombers but it was enough to get me a suspended sentence and it ended my promising career as a striker with the Gunners.

Flash forward a few years to a marina in BVI, Sopers Hole to be precise, where I happened to be tied up next to Sir Julian's yacht. I had a crew of Thai girls at the time. Long story short I set Sir Julian up with some Thai nooky and caught the whole thing on video thinking it might come in handy sometime.

So now here I am in Barbados, ostensibly avoiding Black Jack and his pirates, and getting a much needed break from my old pal Oscar Diborccio semi-retired porn magnate. It is my intention to continue narrating as long as it amuses me. It's not as if anybody gives a toss.

I went on the Mountgay Distillery Tour. It was pleasant enough but it's got a bit more professional since my last visit. They now have an interpretive guide, educational video, that sort of thing, you can't just wander around anymore. I suppose it was inevitable. But they still make an excellent product. I loaded up on my way out before dropping in on Sir Julian in his old plantation house on the island. He looks awful. We're drinking Mountgay on the verandah and looking out over his canefields. Amazingly he even manages to grow a bit of sugarcane. Let's see how he reacts to a bit of blackmail.

O no! A mini moke just pulled up and Simon Cowell is driving. And who's that with him? Bloody hell...it's Oscar....and Tony Blair.!! Life is full of surprises.