Dao was tired
so Arthur took her back to their hotel. Leaving her to have a nap he wandered
along the sois that run off Beach Road. After his near death experience on the
beach he felt like a beer so he popped into a small bar that didn’t seem too
busy. Just a couple of what looked like Arsenal fans sitting at the bar.
‘Here comes another one.’ Says the smaller of the two.
‘Don’t mind them mate. Welcome to Dick’s,’ says a large balding middle-aged fellow behind the bar. That was me!! Balding? Well perhaps I was getting a bit thin on top.
Arthur orders a Singha beer. He still prefers it to Chang in some ways. Couple of Changs and he tends to doze off.
‘Orroit mite?’ says one of the other clients as Arthur takes his first sip.
‘Fine thanks,’ says Arthur avoiding eye-contact. They seem pleasant enough but you can’t be too careful in Pattaya these days.
‘I’m Gav and this thing here is Kev.’
‘Arthur,’ says Arthur.
‘What brings you to Pattaya Arfur, Pearl of the Eastern Seaboard?’ Gav asks.
‘Little holiday,’ says Arthur, ‘I live up North.’
‘Orroit ’ere innit,’ says Kev, ‘plenty of the old you know what.’
Typical Pattaya types thinks Arthur. Beer and sex.
‘I’m thinking of starting a website.’ says Gav to no-one in particular.
‘Oh,’ says Kev only half-listening, ‘what about?’
‘Sex tourism in Thailand of course.’
‘Gawd. Don’t you think there’s enough of them already?’
‘Mine will be different.’ says Gav. ‘It will be aimed at the modern punter. The way I see it there’s just too many Thai pornsites. We’ve got to come up with something new. What we should do is get some bald ugly old git….some really burned out bloke on his last legs…and let the girls do what they want with him. You know …whips and strap-ons and stuff. Empower the girls. Let them get their revenge. Move with the times. We could stoke him up with Viagra and see what happens. I think there’s a good niche market out there. People are ready for it.’
‘You’ll never do it.’ Says Kev. ‘Start a website I mean. Too much work.’
‘Don’t be so sure,’ says Gav, ‘It will have lots of pictures of girls. I would call it Streetmeat or something.’
‘That would be infringing on their privacy I think.’ Says Kev.
‘You are probably right,’ agrees Gav, ‘what do you think Arfur?’
‘Well porn is certainly popular,’ says Arthur non-commitally.
It’s the landlord’s prerogative to regale the customers with accounts of his own exploits. I do it a lot. Customers listen politely. Constructive criticism is encouraged. Or they go somewhere else. It’s all the same to me. I start to tell them about my own days in the porn business.
‘We should call you Dickens Dick,’ says Kev, ‘the Dickens of Pattaya. Are you much of a reader Arfur?’
‘Oh yes. I’ve got a bookshop in fact.’
‘Bugger me.’ says Kev. ‘I just finished ‘Don Quixote’. In Spanish. I’m thinking of reading War and Peace now I’ve got a bit of spare time like. Can’t stand that ’arry bleedin’ Potter.’
‘I see,’ says Arthur. Strange that. Kev hadn’t looked like the literary type. Just goes to show how wrong you can be about people thinks Arthur. He makes a mental note to himself …stop judging people by their piercings and tattoos.
‘I’m reading Foster-Wallace at the moment.’ Says Arthur.
‘Infinit Jest?’ asks Kev.
‘Well Broom of the System actually.’
‘You like a bit of the old post-modernism do you Arfur?’ asks Gav.
‘That seems to be my genre of choice lately yes.’ Says Arthur. ‘In as much as we have a choice in these matters.’
‘Ah yes,’ says Kev, ‘the old free choice. Now there’s a topic. Me and Gav ’ad a go at that one on the plane over didn’t we Gav. Gav the Chav we call ’im. ’Ee’s something of a determinist.’
‘Really?’
‘Yes. And don’t get me started on reality. What is reality when you get right down to it?’ asks Kev, ‘you tell me.’
The conversation is getting a little deep for Arthur’s liking. He decides to finish his beer and bid farewell to his new friends. He starts to pay his bill but Gav stops him.
‘This is on us Arfur. Nice meeting you mite.’
‘Yes indeed,’ says Kev. ‘Enjoy your ‘oliday. And go easy on the old introspection.’
‘Here comes another one.’ Says the smaller of the two.
‘Don’t mind them mate. Welcome to Dick’s,’ says a large balding middle-aged fellow behind the bar. That was me!! Balding? Well perhaps I was getting a bit thin on top.
Arthur orders a Singha beer. He still prefers it to Chang in some ways. Couple of Changs and he tends to doze off.
‘Orroit mite?’ says one of the other clients as Arthur takes his first sip.
‘Fine thanks,’ says Arthur avoiding eye-contact. They seem pleasant enough but you can’t be too careful in Pattaya these days.
‘I’m Gav and this thing here is Kev.’
‘Arthur,’ says Arthur.
‘What brings you to Pattaya Arfur, Pearl of the Eastern Seaboard?’ Gav asks.
‘Little holiday,’ says Arthur, ‘I live up North.’
‘Orroit ’ere innit,’ says Kev, ‘plenty of the old you know what.’
Typical Pattaya types thinks Arthur. Beer and sex.
‘I’m thinking of starting a website.’ says Gav to no-one in particular.
‘Oh,’ says Kev only half-listening, ‘what about?’
‘Sex tourism in Thailand of course.’
‘Gawd. Don’t you think there’s enough of them already?’
‘Mine will be different.’ says Gav. ‘It will be aimed at the modern punter. The way I see it there’s just too many Thai pornsites. We’ve got to come up with something new. What we should do is get some bald ugly old git….some really burned out bloke on his last legs…and let the girls do what they want with him. You know …whips and strap-ons and stuff. Empower the girls. Let them get their revenge. Move with the times. We could stoke him up with Viagra and see what happens. I think there’s a good niche market out there. People are ready for it.’
‘You’ll never do it.’ Says Kev. ‘Start a website I mean. Too much work.’
‘Don’t be so sure,’ says Gav, ‘It will have lots of pictures of girls. I would call it Streetmeat or something.’
‘That would be infringing on their privacy I think.’ Says Kev.
‘You are probably right,’ agrees Gav, ‘what do you think Arfur?’
‘Well porn is certainly popular,’ says Arthur non-commitally.
It’s the landlord’s prerogative to regale the customers with accounts of his own exploits. I do it a lot. Customers listen politely. Constructive criticism is encouraged. Or they go somewhere else. It’s all the same to me. I start to tell them about my own days in the porn business.
‘We should call you Dickens Dick,’ says Kev, ‘the Dickens of Pattaya. Are you much of a reader Arfur?’
‘Oh yes. I’ve got a bookshop in fact.’
‘Bugger me.’ says Kev. ‘I just finished ‘Don Quixote’. In Spanish. I’m thinking of reading War and Peace now I’ve got a bit of spare time like. Can’t stand that ’arry bleedin’ Potter.’
‘I see,’ says Arthur. Strange that. Kev hadn’t looked like the literary type. Just goes to show how wrong you can be about people thinks Arthur. He makes a mental note to himself …stop judging people by their piercings and tattoos.
‘I’m reading Foster-Wallace at the moment.’ Says Arthur.
‘Infinit Jest?’ asks Kev.
‘Well Broom of the System actually.’
‘You like a bit of the old post-modernism do you Arfur?’ asks Gav.
‘That seems to be my genre of choice lately yes.’ Says Arthur. ‘In as much as we have a choice in these matters.’
‘Ah yes,’ says Kev, ‘the old free choice. Now there’s a topic. Me and Gav ’ad a go at that one on the plane over didn’t we Gav. Gav the Chav we call ’im. ’Ee’s something of a determinist.’
‘Really?’
‘Yes. And don’t get me started on reality. What is reality when you get right down to it?’ asks Kev, ‘you tell me.’
The conversation is getting a little deep for Arthur’s liking. He decides to finish his beer and bid farewell to his new friends. He starts to pay his bill but Gav stops him.
‘This is on us Arfur. Nice meeting you mite.’
‘Yes indeed,’ says Kev. ‘Enjoy your ‘oliday. And go easy on the old introspection.’
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