The Grenadines is a delightful string of
islands running South from St.Vincent or North from Grenada depending on your
perspective. They used to build boats there. Gaff rigged, somewhat cumbersome,
vessels called Carriacou schooners. They were used for cargo and you still see
them around. Nowadays of course it’s a place for rich pampered bastards, misfits like myself and envious riff-raff,
“Oh look Dick!!” shouts Oscar excitedly, “That’s Mustique over there! See if you can get closer.”
Mustique is famous for its celebrity
residents. Mick Jagger has a place there, as does Felix Dennis and Princess
Margaret. Who knows what they all get up to there. Rumour has it that the actor
cum psychopath John Bindon known as ‘Biffo’ in Fulham, famously bonked
Princess Margaret on the beach. More than once most likely. Apparently he had a massive knob.
What’s Oscar up to now? He’s got his binoculars out. Surely he doesn’t expect us to drop in there unannounced? We'll get fed to the dobermans. Dobermen? I steer the vessel as close as I dare and sure enough somebody fires a couple of warning shots across our bows. It's the Princess herself with a shotgun.
So I’m running up the Jolly Roger hoping she’ll think we’re Johnny Depp stopping for a quick snort. Meanwhile Oscar’s looking through his high-powered binoculars to see if he can catch a glimpse of John Bindon’s plonker.
Cut a long story short it must have been Jerry Hall’s turn on the shore battery because next thing I know a sodding great Exocet missile flies just over our heads. “Shit,” says Oscar, “that’s a big one. Those things don’t come cheap Dick. Here have a look.”
"By golly you're right Oscar," I quip, "I don’t think I’ve ever seen one that size."
Oh how we chuckled as it flew over our heads and splashed harmlessly in the sea. Must have been a dud.
What’s Oscar up to now? He’s got his binoculars out. Surely he doesn’t expect us to drop in there unannounced? We'll get fed to the dobermans. Dobermen? I steer the vessel as close as I dare and sure enough somebody fires a couple of warning shots across our bows. It's the Princess herself with a shotgun.
So I’m running up the Jolly Roger hoping she’ll think we’re Johnny Depp stopping for a quick snort. Meanwhile Oscar’s looking through his high-powered binoculars to see if he can catch a glimpse of John Bindon’s plonker.
Cut a long story short it must have been Jerry Hall’s turn on the shore battery because next thing I know a sodding great Exocet missile flies just over our heads. “Shit,” says Oscar, “that’s a big one. Those things don’t come cheap Dick. Here have a look.”
"By golly you're right Oscar," I quip, "I don’t think I’ve ever seen one that size."
Oh how we chuckled as it flew over our heads and splashed harmlessly in the sea. Must have been a dud.
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