Young narrators often ask me how I do it. How do you manage to sound so natural Dick they ask? Well there’s no trick to it really. I just narrate like I talk. Course that doesn’t always mean I know what I’m talking about but if I get the tone right nobody minds too much.
That doesn’t mean narrating comes easy. Not at all. There’s the Phantom Pirates for instance. Every now and then I get a feeling I’m being followed. I catch a glimpse of black sails on the horizon or I see this figurehead looming through the mist. It turns out to be Kim Kardashian on the bow of a pirate ship and there at the helm a hideous grinning skull like creature somewhere between Johnny Depp and Richard Branson. I give them a quick broadside then heave about and show them my stern. Another narrow escape ... but they’ll be back. They won’t leave me alone. Why do they haunt me? Are they symbols of some lingering childhood trauma? Something Freudian? Maybe I did something wrong in a past life. Or is it the booze? Where’s the Royal Navy when you need them?
Merry Christmas…er I mean Happy Holidays. How about Seasons Greetings? Please feel free to enjoy whatever holidays may be appropriate to your religious predilections and ethno-cultural backgrounds however you choose, within socially acceptable boundaries.
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