Virgin Gorda.

One of the islands is named Virgin Gorda. There’s a place there called The Baths. They are big granite rocks with a maze of pools and grottoes. Geologists aren’t sure how the rocks got there. I'm not sure how I got there either but it’s a special place for me. Last time I was here was on my honeymoon.

                

I got Ning and Nong sitting on the very same rock where my wife sat forty some odd years ago. I did it deliberately to see how I would feel. It was strange to see what time had done. What you could call a bitter-sweet moment.

I met my first wife, Jane, in a TV studio. She was one of the beautiful people. There was her and Chrissie Shrimpton, another beautiful person, and me and Screaming Lord Sutch. It was a panel discussion for Swinging Londoners. “So Swinging Dick. I hear you were in Carnaby Street recently. See anything you fancied?” “Lulu’s new single is out and I hear it’s fab.” and so on. After we all went for a nosh somewhere and ended up back at her place in Hampstead.

Lovely wedding. Keith Moon was best man and we had a bunch of Swedish models for bridesmaids. London was crawling with them in those days. Keith was importing them by the case. Rod the Mod showed up pissed and sang Maggy May. David Bailey took some snaps. Looking back I think she was going through her footballer phase. She’d done a bunch of pop stars, couple of photographers, and she thought it might be fun to try a footballer.

She liked showing me off to her friends I think. Why was that? Maybe I was more ‘real’ or something. Her very own authentic working-class yob. Look everybody how we’ve broken down the class barriers! Bollocks. We got married for several reasons I think but she did it mainly to piss her parents off. They were posh, big house in the country, dogs and horses and all that. I think they were handicapped though. We went to their place after the wedding and I didn’t hear them say a word the whole time I was there. Very quiet people. Somebody did come up with 2 tickets to BVI which was nice. It seems like another lifetime now.

Jane wasn’t Samantha. More of a consolation prize. I know, I know, nothing worse than listening to blokes going on about their ex-wives.

 
Anyway the girls looked sweet sitting on that exact same rock. It might even have some deep significance.

What happened with Sir Julian? Glad you asked. He showed up on my boat around mid-morning looking not too bad considering. I said, “Morning Julian. Sleep well? Where’s the missus?”
“Ethel went into Road town. To get her hair done.” Well that won’t do her much good, I thought. Needs a new face to go with it.
“So you’ve got a bit of time to yourself then Julian?”
“Couple of hours I’d say,” says he, looking at his watch. I’ve already sent Danny, Nok and Nyum off to the beach but I can hear Ning and Nong giggling in the cabin. So can Julian.
“Come on out girls.” I say, “Mai tawng ai. Come and say hallo to Khun Julian.”
Out they pop in their little tank tops and panties and give the old goat a wai like I told them.
“Delightful,” he says. “Absolutely delightful.” He still can’t believe his luck.
“I’ll leave you to it then Julian,” I say, “You’ve got a few berths in there to choose from and the cabin door locks from the inside. Make yourself at home.”
“Jolly decent of you Dick….hardly know how to thank you.” he mumbles. “One hesitates to broach the subject of renumeration but….”
“Don’t broach it then mate. Us Bangkok warriors have to stick together.” Nudge, nudge, wink, wink. And that was it. Sir Julian was gone for his oats. I didn’t tell him about the mini-cams but what he doesn’t know won’t hurt him.